Today I had lots of little paperwork-y kinds of things to do: a little disability stuff, lots of emails and I did the first draft of questionairre for primary care docs and case managers at Dartmouth about what they might want from an out patient palliative care clinic. That was really fun to think about and to try to imagine what people might want to tell me as well as what the information I would like from them. I was one of the first doctors in Bedford so helped start that clinic, but since I was doing primary care and it was a primary care clinic, it isn't quite the same level of newness as a new clinic in a specialty that we haven't really had in Manchester that I have not practiced in an out patient setting previously. Fortunately, Dartmouth has lots of experience setting up lots of different clinics so I think it will be OK.
I keep getting really nice letters from my old primary care patients. Today's letter seemed very wise and closed with "I wish you the best in the future as you provide professional care with eyes from both sides of the situation. It strikes me that the new focus will have both joy and loss. May the sense of doing a good job run through both." Sometimes, I can't believe that I am leaving such a fantastic group of patients. I have to remind myself that I am going to be providing a really valuable service that is not widely available at this point. If I think of it that way--as a useful service to the community, it helps.
Other activities for today were early morning coffee with Patrick and shoe shopping in Portsmouth with Emily. I have a pair of Dansko's in every office, but none at home. Today we decided to fix that. After six months spent mostly wearing sandals, I appreciate the ability to spread my toes out more and more and the small toe box shoes I used to wear are just not comfortable. I was wearing my running shoes to go grocery shopping and that is not good for the shoes, my feet or my pocketbook. Thus, new clogs.
I also did a little weaving--will I be done with the project by Christmas? It's a race! Some journal reading--nothing worth commenting on. Then, for dinner, we went out with Tommie. A very nice day sandwiched between two working days. I can honestly report that I am not feeling anxious about bizarre things this evening because of back to work tomorrow. The other night, I had several anxiety dreams and in one of them Emily was having a bad dream and cried out. I went to her and woke her saying (in my dream), "It's ok; it was only a bad dream." Some one else having a dream in my dream; I thought that was a pretty good nesting.
For me, for tomorrow I am going to wish for a continued sense of competent usefulness. For you, I will wish for the same.
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