Sunday, July 7, 2013

Feeling like consolidation

So, I mentioned the swollen eyelid and the antibiotics which caused me no problem at all for several days, but yesterday I was so tired I needed to take a nap and last night, I started having a lot of diarrhea and this morning I was so tired I went back to bed an hour after I woke up. I took some immodium and felt better, but still not great.

What was remarkable to me was that I felt like nothing more than post-consolidation. I had kind of forgotten that slightly vague, unattached feeling. I was tired and a little bit sore all over and I felt like I was not quite with it--almost not quite in the world somehow. I wandered around not sure what I was going to do next without a specific plan or desire. Later in the day, I felt a little better and went to Nancy's cheese store. I was tired and sat on the stool by the counter while I waited my turn. I haven't done that since I was recovering from chemo. It felt like a real touchstone. The conclusion I drew is that I have no reserve and as soon as anything goes wrong, I just get exhausted. What is really aggravating is that I don't really know how to build up my reserves besides to sleep and go to weaving workshops.

I am thankful that I don't usually feel like I felt today. I am hopeful that I will feel better tomorrow.

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