Sunday, April 14, 2013

Day 250 - worries

Once again, I am astonished at how long it's been since I updated here. The leukemia news is fairly sparse although I have begun my countdown to my next visit with John, my *first* followup visit. Mostly I'm just looking forward to seeing him and happy to be three months out. Every now and again, especially when I am supposed to be sleeping and the house is quiet and dark, I get anxious about it. Something a little out of the ordinary happens: my back hurts, I bleed when I floss my teeth and I immediately think: it's back. Fortunately, the next day my back stops hurting and I don't bleed when I floss and things are all better. Until the next time.
I worry about my brain. I feel that I am not quite as quick witted as before the chemo and also my filter is not quite as effective as it used to be and I seem to say things occassionally that I don't think I would have said pre-leukemia. Is this a side effect of the chemo? the leukemia? the start of a new process? or maybe just that I'm out of practice for thinking the way one thinks at work since I didn't do it for six months. Everyone I've asked tells me they do not see any difference so that either means that it's too subtle for them to notice or it's not there. I've decided that since I had chemo and recovery for 6 or 7 months, I will expect it to take at least 6 or 7 months to get back to normal. I'll try really hard not to worry until September.
A writer that I like very much, David Hilfiker, has publicly announced he has Alzheimer disease. Of course, I worry that this blog will be turning into "No Goodbye to Early Onset Alzheimer Disease."  I take great comfort from Hilfiker's statement that the time after his diagnosis has been one of the happiest periods of his life.
Apropos nothing, the bridge from Portsmouth to Kittery under construction

I am thankful that I have a disease I can say goodbye to. I am hopeful that all of our brains continue to be OK.

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