so, we'll try this for ease of communication.
It's actually been really fascinating to watch my emotional state. I found out on Thursday that I might have leukemia, found out on Friday that I do have leukemia and started chemo on Sunday (today, day 1). Prior to starting chemo, I was in denial. I did not have leukemia and Dr Hill would come in any minute and say, "you're right; it's a med reaction and a lab error and we've fired that tech and you can just go home now. sorry you cut your hair and, here, let me take that PICC out." I thought when the nurse gave me chemo and I really couldn't use that denial any more that it would be a terrible moment for me, but it turned out to be ok.
My friends Eva and John came over and since they didn't know "my story" I told it to them. Awhile into it, the nurse came in to give chemo and I made a joke about her not having to give it, but by then I had gone through enough of my life story with John and Eva to really feel like I could do this; I had actually already done a lot of hard things and come out on the other end OK so really, this was just another thing. A nuisance and a big thing, but it was really doable. Look at all the other stuff I had done. Go, do.
After John and Eva left, I talked briefly with Terry and got ready for bed. Then my phone rang and it was Terry Bogs (brother number 2 for those of you not acquainted with the clan--same name as my husband for maximum confusion). I was so happy he called.
Went to bed and I may have napped briefly, but then woke up thinking to myself as I heard my chemo pump whirring softly. "o, my wonderful chemo, thank you. here's a little bit of love to ride in on every drop." Then I woke up fully and said, wow! is that 180 or what!
I felt intermittently achey from time to time and briefly like I had a little increase in temp (like 99.5 ish). It has been really pleasant not to be visited by these for a couple of days. I immediately decided that was all the leukemic cells dying and spitting out their cytokines so look, the chemo is already effective (against the leukemia that I was sure I didn't have 12 hours before--I am so wonderfully flexible mentally). That passed after about half an hour and now I feel pretty darned good again. Although the citaribine does taste very faintly of garlic and salt to me. The good thing is that makes me drink more water.
Here are my counts for today:
wbc 1.6 no circulating blasts today which I think means my most excellent native immune system has finally gotten off its butt and is spontaneously killing off the leukemia. My fellow tells me that, no, it means that I am well hydrated and they're more diluted. My BUN went from 7 to 5 so maybe, but I prefer my scenario.
hgb 9.9 (further evidence for dilution)
plt 137 (further evidence for dilution--both down a bit)
All in all, I am satisfied with these labs for a start and hopeful that tomorrow will be as good as today.