Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Day 143 - the fever returns?

I have felt febrile on and off all day today and when I checked, my temperature was never above 100.3. I called Dr. Hill's nurse and she was really clear that I need not go in for anything less than 100.5 so I keep checking and hoping it goes down. I don't feel too bad, overall and this morning I felt great. I feel like I have a virus coming on which would not be surprising given that Ellie is in sixth grade at a school with (I think) a couple thousand kids at it. She seems well, however.

Otherwise, today's big activity was finishing the blanket (I am hoping Ellie will cut it off the loom for me this evening and I can post a picture), driving to Newburyport with Tommie to check out the T commuter rail station, laundry by the ton (mostly mine), and misc paperwork. I signed up for my benefits (Dartmouth employees, you only have until Friday to do it) and filled out my long term disability which will take effect in mid-Dec for (hopefully) just a short while as I get ramped back up to full time.

Other exciting news, if you are in Lebanon on Monday, Nov 12, come to a poetry reading sponsored by the palliative care department. I will be reading a version (very helpfully editted by Patrick) of Agnes Day. And, if you are or can get to Exeter on Tuesday, Nov 13, come to Water Street Books and hear Patrick read from "Dying for Beginners" and maybe other stuff. It is not every day one can hear a nationally known poet (impressed? I am.) reading his own work in an intimate setting, all without travelling super far. Here is a link to the Water Street Books' website where you can get directions and read about it.

I am sorry that today's post is really not even remotely interesting, but worrying that I am headed back to Lebanon with fevers puts a damper on my ability to think well. This is not a bad lesson for today: one would think that a fever of 99.8 is nothing and that I could just set it aside as I have had fevers of 99.8 many many times without needing to go to the hospital. However, my last fever episode was so unpleasant that it makes it extremely difficult for me to take my attention away from it and put it on something more pleasant or interesting. I am not even thinking specific thoughts like "I hope I don't get as sore this time from rigoring as I did last time" or "what if Dr Hill decides I can't have any more chemo because I had fevers with two of three cycles?" It is really just a big amorphous bundle of "O, please, let's not do this again" hanging over my head. Just the thing deep breathing exercises were made for, right?

I will try to update and let you know if the fever declares itself or just sits around at sub 100.5 so you know which direction to broadcast your good thoughts and wishes for me. (Last check was 100.4 so it's not looking good.) It does not come as a surprise that my wish for myself is that I stay without fever. If I could have a second wish, or maybe a co-wish, it would be that my fellow countryfolk choose with wisdom and compassion today. For you, if it is healthy for you, I will wish that you are able to avoid unpleasant things you wish to avoid. If it is not healthy for you, I will wish you the strength to deal with them.

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