I think I was much sicker than I really quite understood. I realized today that, Linda, the chaplain, came to visit me during my last admission. I had not remembered that until this afternoon. My LNA today told me she took care of me for a couple of days my last admission. She does not even look familiar.
I was much more anxious today in Dr Hill's clinic, in the CT scanner and even at our favorite grocery store that we always stop at on the way in and out (we didn't stop last time because I was in an ambulance) than I recall being before. It was not quite to the level of a panic attack, but it was pretty strong. I feel OK now that I am here in the clinic and I am hoping that it will just abate going forward now that I have redone at least some of the things that I did when I was sick. We'll see how getting chemo goes which should happen in an hour or so. I've never gotten chemo when I've been sick (of course, they don't give it to sick people) so it *should* be OK.
Otherwise, I went for a lovely 2.2 mile walk in the woods by DHMC today. I have a 4S phone now which has a much better camera so I can take nice pictures like these:
|Flowers tucked into the edge of the driveway--my 3 could not get details like this.|
|A stream on my favorite DHMC walk. Last time I was here, it was dry. I like how the light is very low and hits different parts of the scene differently.|
I will try not to become insufferable with the camera and how nice it is, but it may be hard for me because I am so happy with these pictures.
I am hopeful that I can do chemo tonight without a panic attack or any other event. For you, if you have a bad memory that is pestering (or worse) you, I hope you can make some progress in freeing yourself from it.